The Tale of King Bush 43rd

This is something I wrote waaay back when the war in Iraq had just started. I know there really isn't much political resonance to this today but I think it's a fairly good piece of writing and would like to share it on here:


There was once a man named George Herbert Walker Bush. He and his wife so wanted a child but try as they might one would not come. Then, George went to a prophet who told them that they should have no less than two children. One would be a fairly good fellow with a penchant for nepotism and shady hiring practices. George was happy to hear this, as these were good attributes in middle- to upper-management and even political positions and so could make the family some good money. George asked what the other child would be like and the prophet told him that the second son would one day rule over all the free world, but that his rule would be a cruel and terrible blight upon the land.

George felt that his heart would burst with joy! “The family is assured prosperity for many years to come!” he rejoiced.

George ran home to tell his wife the good news and soon two boys were born of the couple, Jeb and George Washington Bush.

Over the years the elder George became king of the land, following the reign of King Ronald of Hollywood. The elder George vowed to fix all the country’s money problems without raising taxes and the people rejoiced – until their taxes went up by 2%. In this time Jeb also became ruler of a portion of the land of America that was known as Florida.

Now, the Elder George in his time was not a great king. A war began with a foreign land. “Give us oil!” the elder George would proclaim. To which Saddam Hussein – the ruler of this other land – would reply:

“That I cannot give. But if you invade my land I will kill you.”

This was not a very nice thing to say, but understandable, as King George’s army was about to enter a sovereign nation. But the occupation would not last long, a matter of weeks, perhaps at most. Because he had no other choice, and because it was an election year, the Elder George had to withdraw his soldiers from the land of Iraq. But this would prove foolhardy, as the people soon elected a new king, King Bill the 42nd, under whose rule the land would prosper and its people would be happy for the eight years that made up the length of his service, but that is a tale for another day.

Now, at the end of King Bill’s rule, the son of George the Elder – not Jeb but George the Younger – decided that he should be King. George the Younger had run several businesses of his own, a baseball team and had once been ruler over the land of Texas. All had ended in disaster, but George the Younger felt that he was ready to be King.

But how? Many people in the land of America were not even aware that George the Elder had sons old enough to become King.

“Don’t worry,” said Karl the Magician. “I will put a spell on all the people of the land, that they might look upon you, and love you dearly and defend you at every step of the way, no matter what ill you may do. And our soldiers shall look upon you with even greater love and be ready to fight to their death at your single command.

“And if that doesn’t work,” Karl said to himself, “I’m sure your brother Jeb can make sure we win some very important votes in the land of Florida…”

The day of the election came and everyone thought that Prince Al, the second to King Bill, would become next King. He won the vote of the people, but through a trick of magick and math – and with the help of something called the Electoral College – the land of Florida was won by George the Younger. Prince Al was outraged, and so were the people – at least, those not under Karl the Magician’s spell, which as it turned out wasn’t as effective as he had hoped. Prince Al called for a recount of the votes in Florida, he raised a fuss, for Prince Al knew that something was amiss.

The highest court in the land, however, said otherwise. It probably helped George the Younger’s case that his father had appointed several of the judges in that court, who were all too happy to help George the Younger out of his situation.

It came to pass that George the Younger was crowned King George the 43rd, and he immediately began to make plans to destroy the man who threatened his father, Saddam Hussein.

“Bide your time,” Karl the Magician told the new King. So King George waited, and planned. And as he did so he cut off relations with the other lands that the kings before him had worked so hard to keep up. King George cut out a great many programs King Bill had set up to help the people and a general malaise began to set in amongst the people of America.

Within the space of one year, King George took six months of vacation time. Seeing that the king was happy and contented the people, in a state of severe apathy, began to settle in, deciding to wait out the next four years until something better came along in the form of a new king.

And then a great and terrible tragedy occurred. Agents of a land other than Iraq, but of the same peoples, plotted to destroy the Great Towers of World Trade in the land of New York as well as the pentagon-shaped fortress, which was in the same town that King George did his kingly work. Several of King George’s spies learned of this plot and tried to tell the King but he and all his advisors ignored the warning. Perhaps they just did not care, or maybe Karl the Magician whispered into George’s ear that the possible destruction of the Towers would bring the king one step closer to Iraq. Whatever the case may be, King George ignored the warning.

On the 11th of September, the Great Towers fell and the pentagon-shaped fortress in Washington, D.C. was attacked. The people of the land turned to King George and Prince Dick for guidance, but they were nowhere to be found. Prince Dick was rumored to be hidden away in underground quarters so remote, not even the king knew where it was. As for King George, he made a few appearances in court, telling the people to remain calm and go about their business as usual, that the people who had attacked America wanted all that to end.
But in spite of his brave words, the king did not resume his own affairs as normal. Instead, he immediately began planning to take over Iraq. Karl the Magician and Prince Dick had a superb plan, it had to work. First, they would invade the land of Afghanistan – which was, of course, the real place America’s attackers, who came to be called terrorists, were hiding. But nobody intended to actually catch the terrorists. King George was biding his time until it was just right to send his army into Iraq.

“They will greet us as liberators!” Court Jesters Rummy and Condi cheered in unison as they performed for King and court on the day of the first attack on Iraq. “Through shock and awe we will capture their hearts and minds!”

“And if that doesn’t do it, our arrow men will take care of the rabble,” Karl the Magician whispered in King George’s ear.”

Thus began a terrible and long war. The people of Iraq did not respond to King Bush’s threats, neither did they capitulate to the armies that came to overrun them. The people of Iraq became “insurgents.” In defense of their own land they took to some of the ways of the terrorists in order that they might drive out the armies of the invading country.

But it was to no avail. America’s armies stayed planted in Iraq, even after Bush had taken his revenge against Saddam Hussein and had him found, tried and executed. New kings came to take up reign over America but found it impossible to remove the men and women who were in Iraq even as America fell as an economic, educational and otherwise leader of the world.
As time went on, neither King Bush nor his compatriots, Karl the Magician, Prince Dick or Court Jesters Rummy and Condi were punished for their crimes, and the people lost faith in their government. The country descended into chaos and anarchy as writers, politicians, artists and sages all pointed fingers but refused to accept their own inaction in all that took place. Thus the once-great land of America fell and perished.